We tried for a few weeks and there was no luck..I started getting down in the dumps so I decided that I needed to pray more and ask god to bless me with a child..I prayed a million times a day..every second I had.. whether I was at work or at home. Then we found out that Brian would be deploying in a few months and that made me want a baby even worse but I had no luck. So on September 13,2009 I kissed my soldier goodbye and headed back home to NC to be with my family. Well 10 days later I found out I was pregnant and my husband and I were very happy and couldn’t wait to meet our child. My pregnancy was very rough from start to finish.
I was sick the whole time and very miserable. When I was 6 months pregnant they made me start coming to the doctor once a week due to my fluid being low. On April 3rd I was getting ready for bed when the pain kicked in. I didn’t want to wake up the whole house because the next day was easter. Not to mention I had went to the emergency room with my sister a million times with false labor..I just tried to get the pain to ease but at 3am I had to wake everyone up because I was bleeding and had to get to the hospital. After several tests they decided to put me in a hospital room. They started doing an ultrasound and being pregnant and all I had to go pee. So I went to the bathroom and the bleeding had started again but worse..I came out of the bathroom screaming that something was wrong with my baby and we had to get her out now. My doctor arrived within minutes and told me that we had 45 minutes to get this baby out or she was going to die.
When she said those words I went into shock. I didn’t care what pain I was going through or the pain I was about to go through but we had to get my baby out ok. I started to freak out because my husband is all the way across the world in Iraq. I had to tell them all his information so they could contact the Red Cross and then realized that I had to focus on Brianna. I had an emergency C section. Brianna Nicole came into this world on April 4, 2010 @ 7:59am Easter morning. She weighed 3 pounds 2 ounces. She was so tiny but my love for her was big. I loved her so much and I was relieved to hear that she was going to be ok. Her dad made it to the states 3 days after she was born and I was relieved because I needed someone to help me through this hard time. Our baby was going to be in the hospital for weeks.
I remember feeling so alone. My body was still telling me that a baby should still be in there..I would feel my stomach and she wasn’t there and my arms were empty as well..all I wanted was my baby girl. However I knew that the nurses were going to take good care of her. I got to know them all very well and they were like her mommy while I was away. Brianna was a fighter from the beginning, she didn’t need oxygen. She was breathing on her own and the doctors said that all she needed to do was gain weight. I had really bad depression and the only thing that could make it better was seeing my baby but when I left that hospital the pain came back. I wanted to stay up there and hold her all day but she needed her rest and I needed to try to live as normal as possible or I was going to lose my mind. My husband was a great support system and we got through it one day at a time. Brianna was in the hospital for 42 days and the morning I got to bring her home was the happiest day of my life. It felt so good to hold her and to have her things and her clothes.
Her father however had to return to duty the day after she got home so he got to spend about 24 hours with her before he had to leave..that day at the airport broke my heart..I saw my husband’s heart break like I have never seen it before. He came home when Brianna was 4 months old and she loves him with all her heart.
Brianna is almost a year old and she is doing great. Her weight is where it should be, she is crawling, clapping, saying words, and I don’t let the preemie word get me down. To all of the mothers that have preemie children, don’t let the word preemie discourage you. I have had so many people and doctors tell me that my child will do this and they will do that late. You just enjoy that bundle of joy and don’t let peoples words get you down. I let so many people get me down and it wasn’t worth it. Thank you all for reading my story.
A very special thank you to Brittany Robinson for writing and sharing her courageous story with Preemie Prints.
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